Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Cookies as therapy



Today I did what I always do when I'm confused and have got time to spare--I bake cookies. Four batches and half an insipid season of Grey's Anatomy (I'm a glutton for punishment, as previously stated) later, I'm still confused and half-terrified. Does this mean I should start another batch? Make gingerbread, maybe?

Something has been confusing me very much and I don't know what to do about it. I'm not the only one involved. I can't stop thinking about it, all the while telling myself not to overthink. I'll write more when I can say more, but right now all I can do is turn out one pan of cookies after another.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Planning a vacation

Anne of Green Gables
The Beekeeper's Apprentice

Slippers
Sunglasses
A rosary
Pyjamas
A frisbee

The semestral break seems so far away.

But in those spare moments I have I can look forward to it, and plan what to bring when I leave.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Special glasses


I had to send away for them
because they are not available in any store.

They look the same as any sunglasses
with a light tint and silvery frames,
but instead of filtering out the harmful
rays of the sun,

they filter out the harmful sight of you—
you on the approach,
you waiting at my bus stop,
you, face in the evening window.

Every morning I put them on
and step out the side door
whistling a melody of thanks to my nose
and ears for holding them in place, just so,

singing a song of gratitude
to the lens grinder at his heavy bench
and to the very lenses themselves
because they allow it all to come in, all but you.

How they know the difference
between the green hedges, the stone walls,
and you is beyond me,

yet the schoolbuses flashing in the rain
do come in, as well as the postman waving
and the mother and daughter dogs next door,

and then there is the tea kettle
about to play its chord—
everything sailing right in but you, girl.

Yes, just as the night air passes through the screen,
but not the mosquito,
and as water swirls down the drain,
but not the eggshell,
so the flowering trellis and the moon
pass through my special glasses,
but not you.

Let us keep it this way, I say to myself,
as I lay my special glasses on the night table,
pull the chain on the lamp,
and say a prayer—unlike the song—
that I will not see you in my dreams.

-Billy Collins, The Trouble with Poetry, 40-41.

A Day with Opus Dei

I always thought this was a rather fair article, though I add hastily that Opus Dei is NOT a religious order.

No albino monks here, folks.

A Day with Opus Dei - TIME magazine

No, actually, on a second reading, I really kind of like it. I love how everything is so open, because nothing in Opus Dei is secret. And how there was such an emphasis on how Opus Dei members try their very hardest to practice what they preach.

Home.



Around my mother's house there is a lot of verbena. It's the first thing you smell when you roll in and step out of a vehicle, and open the gate. The smell is so pure and so wonderful and it rises up to meet you when you ring the doorbell to announce your presence, when you open the gate and move to open the white front door.

Our house is by no means beautiful. It's a lot of good intentions ruined by a lot of bad architecture, and a phobia of painting the walls anything but white and the roof anything but blue. But I'll always love coming home.

When I turn right and open the first door, my mom is inside, and she's always waiting for me with a hug and a smile, and no matter what happened during the week, no matter how tired I am or no matter how much I have left to do, she's always happy to see me, and I'm always happy to see her.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Monday yet again


If I could live in a book, I would probably live in Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea/the Island. I've been rereading and rewatching Anne this weekend, following the harrowing experience of my second pharmacology exam. If I lived in that world there would be exams too, but there would also be green, expansive fields, cooperative animals in Patty's Place, and dresses. Rather that, than this dreary city existence with dirty rainy streets and flash floods and wet shoes and spotted white uniforms. And of course, if I lived in that world, I could exclaim (like I wanted to yesterday) "But it oughtn't to rain on a Sunday!" and I would have been met with a chorus of agreement.

I don't know what's wrong. In medicine it's called a prodrome--there are signs and symptoms of something wrong, but you don't know what it is. Oh well. I suppose I'll be able to tell pretty soon. Meanwhile, a barrage of exams--one to three every week, for mercy's sake--still await me.

To end with a lighthearted anecdote: I was on the same bus as a childhood love this morning. I don't think he noticed me--my bespectacled head was buried quite deeply into the disreputable copy of Anne of the Island that I bought from a booksale last Friday, with Ado's money--but I tried to hide all the same. If only all childhood loves could turn out like Gilbert and Anne! In this case I rather suspect I was the Charlie Sloane and he the Anne Shirley.